The Misadventures of the Mad Hatter

shelly-rainsworth:

Her mouth opened a little as if to speak. She stopped herself short and let out a heavy sigh followed by a half hearted laugh. His excuse was a good one. And if she thought about it, he was right. “Fine, you win this one.” She told him shaking her golden locks as she did so. It was actually good to hear him say that. It showed that he didn’t mean it in the whole ‘I only do everything for myself because I’m a cold heartless person’. It showed that he knew every action a person took was in some way, allowing them to gain. And that was a much better answer than something like saying it was nice to see a different side of her or something. “You should stop saying things that way though.” She told him a content tone in her voice.

One hand moved to rest against the back of his head, smoothing out his hair gently. “It makes you sound cold and heartless. What are you going to do when all your friends leave you because of a misunderstanding?” She asked raising an eyebrow. Even if she knew at least two of his friends would always be around for him. She was certain Reim and Sharon wouldn’t leave his side so easily. She didn’t know anything about the other three, Oz, Alice, Gilbert, other than Gilbert was the adopted child of the Nightray family, and Oz was Zai’s son, Oscars nephew.

That was only one other reason she cared so much about him, and why she trusted and cared for him so much more. Despite not thinking he deserved it he didn’t cast it aside, instead he cherished it all the more. He wasn’t one to take everything for granted as most did. That also attributed to the fact he was nearly family. Unlike other servants she could trust him, just to be himself. He was grateful for everything, not just someone who was ‘give me my money already or I quit’. He did more for her, for her family than even her most trusted servants. It wasn’t just a job to him. The thanks was enough to let the woman know he forgave her, even if it was temporary, or a fake acceptance, it still made her a little happier to hear. A gentle soft smile came to her lips at his kiss, head turning so her eyes could look up at him, despite still resting against his shoulder.

“Why would I do that~?” [the man chimed, responding to her telling him to word things differently before she really got to finish explaining.] “Reactions are so much more entertaining when people come to their own conclusions~” [Ope. There it was.  While Break knew that everything one did was for oneself, that didn’t mean he exaggerated when he told others this.  He understood emotional gain, and accepted it, and knew when to tell the truth about it, but he did gain side things as well.  The ones he typically used as excuses.  And he did do plenty of things for material gain as well.  So, to him, it’d be inaccurate to word anything any differently.  If they wanted to believe that he was a normal person using them for normal emotional or sentimental gain; that was fine.  If they wanted to believe he was a conniving manipulative asshole, that was fine too.  They were both true in their own rites, and Break honestly didn’t care what most people thought.  He truly did get entertainment out of their assumptions, and usually even built off of them.]

[As she finished though, smoothing hair at the back of his head, he just chuckled.] “It’s not always a misunderstanding, Milady~” [he chimed, idly burying his face in her hair a bit more.] “It’d be cruel to give them false hope about my intentions~!” [Another chuckle.  Few people understood this concept about him, Sharon and Reim seemed to, Oz seemed to, but even those who didn’t understand it at all, like Gilbert, accepted him.  At least in the way that he told them to; to use him as he used them.  But that was all the man expected of them.  If they truly left him for a misunderstanding then so be it.  The man didn’t expect them to stick around if he became a bother.  So, even if it hurt, he’d let them do as they pleased; or so he contends.  In practice there may possibly be a chance of him actually explaining himself, though that was rare.]

[He didn’t notice when she looked up at him.  His eye was closed, a small smile on his face as his head continued to rest against hers.  he was still so comfortable like this, really having no desire to move.]

shelly-rainsworth:

It was nice to relax a little. She didn’t fully relax of course. If she did she would probably lose herself to the comforting embrace. She would be come weak, she may even have let the build up of emotions out. Her fingers tightened in the fabric almost as though clinging to him would keep herself grounded. Already she felt the need to cry to just let it out in his gentle embrace. But she stopped herself. She held back.

His words caused a searing pain in her chest, but she showed no sign of letting it affect her. ‘That’s the only person you really care about right~ Yourself~’ The words, her voice, it played in her mind. It caused a dull ache to surface. ”If that’s true, what do you gain by comforting me?” An eyebrow raised at her own question. Other than getting the oh so rare opportunity of seeing her completely and utterly defenceless that was. She could feel his. What she had said was obviously there lingering in his mind. She stood there silently waiting for him to show any signs that confirmed her suspicions.

The porcelain hand reached up, hand resting against his cheek. Her eyes staring into his one. She looked as if she were trying to read him, or ask him what she should do next. She wasn’t sure. Should she just let it go? Should she say something? Do something? Maybe it was just her fear that he hated her now that had turned that gentle squeeze into something more than it actually was. What if he just didn’t want comfort. Maybe he just didn’t want her comfort. The woman continued to study him for a moment longer, nothing showing in her soft expression. Finally she let out a sigh and rested her head against his neck again. Lips pulling into a slight frown as her face remained hidden.

“Xerxes… please don’t… don’t downgrade yourself like that.” She told him closing her eyes. “You’re trusted, loved, you’re cared about because of your good intentions. Even if you try to hide them.” She pick and chose her words carefully trying to think of how she could have worded it better. “And I’m sorry for saying something that could have made you think any differently. I do care about you, I trust you, I love you.” Just for you my lovely, mysterious anon~ Of course, she meant love in the totally completely platonic sense like the same love she had for her daughter or mother. He was a trusted part of her family. She still loved her husband… even if he was dead. Even now, years later she still couldn’t stop thinking about the man.

[He continued running his fingers through the woman’s hair, holding her gently.  He worried about her taking his comment as something meant to remind her of what she said.  He worried that she was going to feel worse about it.  The facts behind his statement were true; everything he did was for himself.  For personal gain.  He benefited.  But it was like that for everyone.  Everything anyone did gratified them in some way.  It was just the way people judged him that could hurt.  The fact that they didn’t realize the true implications of his philosophy and thus assumed the worst.  But he never laid those assumptions to rest, and he never planned to.  Whatever people wanted to believe about him he’d let them, unless it cause damage to the Rainsworth’s reputation, or something of the sort.] “Hm…~?” [he let out at her question, before chuckling a bit.  He grinned.] “It’s simple, Milady~ By being able to comfort you, I feel like in some way I’m fulfilling my duty, neh~?”

[When her hand rested against his cheek a small, bewildered look took over his expression.  He tilted his head a bit, meeting her searching gaze before chuckling a bit, bringing his hand to rest on her cheek for just a moment.] “It’s alright, Lady Shelly~” [He reassured, figuring that she was looking for a hint of pain or distress in his features.  He was releived that it seemed that she hadn’t, and when she rested her head against his neck again he went back to embracing her and rubbing her back.]

“Ah…” [he listened to her, closing his eye.] “I know, Milady…~” [he replied softly, smiling.  In any other situation he’d probably debate with her, about how he was selfish and how any ‘good intentions’ he seemed to have benefited himself.  But that wouldn’t do any good in this situation, so he didn’t bother.] “Thank you…~” [Her words meant a lot to him.  Though he didn’t think he particularly deserved all of those luxuries, he accepted them graciously, and cherished them.  He was also thanking her for the apology, even though he knew that she hadn’t done it of her own free will, it’d be cruel to deny her apology when it hurt her so much.] “Thank you, Milady….~” [he chimed once more, gently kissing the side of her head.]

shelly-rainsworth:

The other hand wiped itself off on the skirts as well. Her dress was already beyond the point of saving, from the moment she first attempted to mop up his blood using the sleeve. Her cheek moved to rest against the side of his head, the faintest sigh finding it’s way past her lips. She didn’t find him annoying… at least not at the current moment. She actually did find his embrace, his concern comforting. But what did annoy her was the chance that because of this he might learn how to read her, just as she could read others… Just as he could read most people. She didn’t want to be read like that. She didn’t want anyone to be that close to her ever again. As nice as it was having someone that you fully understood… who could fully understand you… it was also painful. It hurt so deeply to lose someone that close. She still hadn’t fully gotten over his death. She never would. Of that she was certain.

Shelly eased up a little. A smile cracking at his question. Her arms wrapped around him grateful that the blood on her sleeve was already dried and wouldn’t stain his clothing as well. “No,” she admitted in a light voice, eyes closing as she took a deep breath. “That isn’t an order.” She spoke carefully. She supposed that this one time she could give in. It was only going to be temporary after all… right? He wouldn’t try to do this on a regular basis she was sure… er… rather she hoped he wouldn’t.

Lightly her head rested against his shoulder. Eyes closing, arms holding him tenderly. “Thank you,” soft voice barely audible. There was so much she was thanking him for. His kindness, the forgiveness, the way he still treated her tenderly, the fact that he didn’t ha—… well that he didn’t appear to hate her. She still wasn’t sure that this would be something that anyone, let alone he could get over so quickly. It would be nice if he could. But now on she would be more alert around him, more careful of what she said, what she did. More aware of his reactions, the subtle changes most people probably wouldn’t pick up on.

[He felt her lean her head against him and he lightly let out a sigh, his single eye still closed.  It was only when she spoke, when she wrapped her arms around him, that he truly relaxed, truly smiled.  He was relieved that she gave in, that she’d, perhaps, take off her mask, at least just for now.]

[The man took a deep breath, once more solidifying his hold on her, remaining gentle, but also strong.  As she rested her head against his shoulder, he lightly leaned his head against hers, strands of his white hair intermixing with her golden locks. Her familiar, comforting scent; that of lilacs, and her gentle, caring warmth filled his senses.  They distracted his mind from wandering back to the scene that happened just before.  This he was thankful for.  He wouldn’t be able to put off the thoughts forever, but for now, he was glad not to think about the womans words and the possible truths behind them…her ability to hide her feelings did seem astounding, after all…]

“Thank you”

[The sweet, quiet sound of her voice brought him out of his half trance.  The words caused him to chuckle a bit and once more start running his fingers through her soft hair.] “You have nothing to thank me for, Milady…~” [He replied softly, chuckling slightly, playfully] “After all, everything I do is solely for myself, neh~?” [He chimed. It was his usual excuse.  His way of deflecting thanks and praise.  But even as he said it, her previous words echoed in his head, barbing him.  But, out of everything, that was a pain he was used to, a judgement everyone passed on him.  A judgement he earned by his actions and words.  A judgement that he had condemned himself to, one that he wanted.  So even as he felt a stronger stab of pain in his chest, just because she had been the one to say it, nothing gave that away.  His expression remained perfectly cheerful, playful as he said it in his usual, unwavering, teasing tone.  It was followed by another small chuckle, a gentle squeeze to let her know that he didn’t connect it to what she had said before, to let her know that he wasn’t trying to make her feel bad.  He himself hadn’t even realized it until half way through saying it.

He couldn’t let her know that it hurt.  If she saw the slightest twitch, he knew that she would instantly force this situation around. Force him to accept her comfort again.  He didn’t want to.  For more reasons than one.  He didn’t want to stress her out, if it didn’t bother him perhaps she’d be able to forgive herself faster.  He wanted to give her what she was long overdue for, comfort, which he couldn’t do if she switched it around.  And he didn’t want to break down again, which, even the slightest, gentlest comforting touch could probably do.  Could probably release all his worries and fears and pain due to this situation. That was something he did not want to deal with, even if it could make things easier down the road.  So, he didn’t waver.  Trying hard so not even she would be able to see it.]

shelly-break-shipper:

That hurts me to hear.

“Does it now~?”

shelly-break-shipper:

Hello. You didn’t think you were rid of me did you?

“I was kind of hoping…..”

shelly-break-shipper started following you

” … “

shelly-rainsworth:

Partially true. Shelly had gained the ability not to allow much to bother her, and most of the time she was naturally calm, though… maybe not so stress free. What was on his mind at the moment? What were his thoughts? Shelly stood there silently wishing she could see his face from this angle, wishing she could read his expression, his thoughts. He was oddly calm about this entire thing. That had been the most surprising thing to her. The second most was that her usual mask wasn’t working. He didn’t give her a chance to turn this around, her own concern only answered with the same ‘I’m fine’ she would have given if she were in his situation. Though, it did sound true enough. Part of her mind however still doubted it. Was he actually dealing with what she said? Or was he just pushing it aside as though it didn’t happen?

Bright orbs stared at his throat silently. Had he seen through her mask now? Did he know she was acting? Her muscles seized tight. She didn’t like the thought of him knowing, of him seeing through her. She did’t want to be seen as weak. She had to remain strong for all of those she cared so deeply for, for him, for Sharon, for her mother. She couldn’t afford the display of absolute frailty. Her body was already weak, everyone knew that. If they started thinking that she was weak mentally as well then she would just be coddled.

Annoying. Oh so annoying. She couldn’t wrench herself free. She wasn’t strong enough to fight his firm grip, even as gentle as it was. She was even more tired from the painful experience. All she could do was hope he would listen to her request. “Xerxes,” she huffed his name glancing up at him. “I am perfectly relaxed. Now will you kindly release me?” She was as relaxed as she usually was, well, maybe a touch more stressed but she would be fine.

[Her response made him sigh.  Stubborn women, all of them.  The white haired man didn’t let go though, not yet.  He closed his eye and buried his face in the woman’s hair.  He didn’t want to let go, for more reasons than just wanting to comfort her.  It was comforting to him too, the closeness and warmth after the coldness that had passed between them.  He would have also felt better if he could believe that he was helping her, and not just being a bother. Though, as her tone stood, he couldn’t tell.  That was what usually kept him at bay, the fact that he couldn’t tell whether she approved or not.  He couldn’t tell what she liked, what she didn’t, what annoyed her…  Her formalities didn’t help.  It only made her seem more distant and illusive…  It was what caused his awkwardness around her, his nervousness.  He never could figure out how to adapt to her.  It was how his personality worked.  He’d find a persons strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, preferences, and he’d base how he acted around that depending on his goals.  If he wanted to tease them, he could figure out how.  If he wanted to use them, he knew what buttons to press just right.  If he wanted to befriend them…okay, he still had issues with that, but sometimes it worked out.

But Shelly… As much as he respected and admired her, as much as he knew about her, as much time as he had spent with her… He barely understood her.  And he doubted he ever would.  He was starting to suspect that, like him, she didn’t want to be understood.  That she kept her distance on purpose.]

[Another sigh escaped his lips.  His arms loosened a bit, but didn’t completely give way, still firm enough to hold her against him.] “…Is that an order, Milady…?”  [He asked, half heartedly.  If it was an order, if she really wanted away from him, then he’d let go instantly.  But that way in which he worded it, that he used occasionally when Sharon told him to do something, was his way of letting her know that he didn’t want to.]

shelly-rainsworth:

Shelly ignored the laughter, the amusement that he showed at her rambling. Comforting came easily to the noblewoman, but being comforted… Well that was something that she hadn’t allowed herself the pleasure of since… well since her husband died. Since then she perfected her mask, and kept strong for the sake of her daughter, and everyone who had been close to her. Though something told Shelly that her mother knew her too well, knew that it was just an act some times. The woman had, however prided herself in the near perfection of it.

Eyes slid shut only for a second. She had forgotten how nice it was just to allow oneself to be comforted instead of holding it all in. She wanted to enjoy the moment, revel in something she didn’t even realize she had missed so much. A small contented sigh escaped her lips before her eyes opened again. Her hand fell back to her side. A warmth entering her features again.

His words were true. She wasn’t used to being on the receiving end. He already knew that though so she made no comment. “Thank you,” was her only response toward his forgiveness. Apparently she either had not heard, did not care, or simply wished to make no comment on being called ‘adorable’. She had to change the subject, take it away from her. She attempted to take a step back out of his comforting embrace, her attention turning to the bangs that hid his eye. “Does it hurt?” She asked him concern lightly touching her voice.

[The man closed his eye as he held the woman, letting his head slightly rest upon hers.  He was comfortable, content.  And he could feel her give in, if only for a few moments.  He never realized how much she hid from them.  How good she was at it.  He had always assumed that she just didn’t easily let things get to her.  That she was naturally calm and stress free.  But, this gave her away.  He knew she was upset, but she still tried to hide it.  And she was really good at it…  If he hadn’t seen that small, few seconds worth of her regaining it, he would never have guessed that she was in pain.  Though, if that had been the case than his assumption about her kindness being out of pity would have probably remained.  It was her own pain that showed him that she was being sincere…  But her mask, her smile, her calmness. It was all too well rehearsed to be something she just came up with.  She had practiced, a lot.  She had used it, a lot.  Just as he had his own techniques….

No, she was worse.  Even now that he knew, would he be able to read her? Or would it remain the same?  It worried him, the thought of remaining oblivious.  He could only imagine how much pain this woman must have gone through alone…]

[It made him sigh, lightly.  Denying her freedom when she tried to pull away.  His embrace was firm, but gentle.  A chuckle followed her escape attempt.] “Can’t get away that easily~” [He chimed, continuing to run his fingers through her hair] “I’m fine, Milady~” [he replied, reassuringly.  The eye socket only hurt as much as it usually did when he toyed with it.  It was nothing new, and nothing to worry about.] “Relax, neh?  For once, just relax….~”

shelly-rainsworth:

She schooled her expression into it’s usual calm. Even without the smile it was at least something normal for her. She wet her lips. Her mouth opened and closed, then opened again and closed once more. She was trying to figure out what to say. Twice she had an idea but thought better of it. The words didn’t seem right too her. She cleared her throat and attempted to speak, “Xerxes, I ju-” Her words were cut off when he moved. Her eyes followed him carefully.

He closed the distance and her eyes widened. Mouth hung open as he held her. It was odd to be the one held so gently, so tenderly. She stood there hands limp at her sides. Her muscles remained stiff, body locked completely still despite his embrace. “What are you doing?” She asked the barest hint of laughter rung in her voice. The smile back on her lips softness in her eyes. Did he think she was the one in need of comfort? “You know what, Xerxes?” She kept her voice normal, somehow…

She wiped one of her hands off on her dress, moving her arm to embrace him gently, awkwardly. “None of that… I didn’t mean it.” She kept her voice neutral showing no hint of her fears, of her torment. “It’s not true either,” she added quickly. “I’ve never thought any of that was true…” It was odd for her to ramble like this, almost as odd as it was for her to say any of that to begin with. “You’re a dear friend, Xerxes…” She didn’t want to hurt him ever! She met his eye, all sorrow absent from her face. “I’m truly sorry for saying those things.” It wasn’t much, but there was little else she could say. She didn’t know what to say. All she had known was she had to say something thus the odd rambling and awkward apology.

[He let her talk, felt her awkward returning embrace… It surprised him.  This woman always knew what to say.  Always knew what to do.  She was always in control of the situation. Yet here she was, rambling.  Fumbling over what words to say to make him, and possibly herself, feel better.

The contents of the words he heard, but they meant little to him at the moment.  He didn’t want to resurface the pain that he had successfully disposed of for the time being.  Not right away.  He’d debate it all later, what was truth, what was lies.  For now all that was important was that he forgave her, that she knew this.  That she knew he understood, was aware that she didn’t mean it.  So her rambling made him smile, even chuckle a little.  But he didn’t let go of her, despite the strength she was showing.  Despite the calm face and normal voice.  In fact, his attempt at comforting her grew.  He started gently running his fingers through her hair.  Comforting people wasn’t his strong point.  But he had seen pain in her features, and he wouldn’t assume it just disappeared.  Not after this.  She valued her family far too much to be able to consciously hurt them and come out unscathed.  And he knew that for some strange reason she counted him as family.]

“Not used to being on the receiving end, neh~?” [The man teased after she had finished talking.  He chuckled a bit and rubbed her back.] “I forgive you, my strong, caring, adorable Mistress…~”

shelly-rainsworth:

She felt his hand on hers. Pink eyes finally looking at his face. She felt a wave of sickness wash over her. She had hurt him so much. Words could heal as much as they could hurt… Shelly was amazing at the former… so what was it? Why couldn’t she say anything to help heal the wounds she had caused. “Xerxes…” She spoke his name barely audible when he stood. He would never forgive her… would he? Then again, even if he did would she be able to forgive herself?

He was lying, that was obvious. The question was did she dare call him on it. Her hands rested on her lap. Lips pulling into a tight line, eyes fixed on the bloody ribbon. Her grip on the piece of cloth tightened until her knuckles turned white. Her head remained bowed, staring at her skirts. “You’re not fine…” Her voice barely audible. She knew it, it was obvious to her. She knew him, almost as well as she knew herself.

“… I … I—” Now she was the one with the inability to speak. A hand raised to cover her face. She had to compose herself. She couldn’t let her mask slip after that. She had to remain strong. It wouldn’t do for her to be so weak, so pathetic after all that. She had to be strong so she could do her best to help and support Xerxes. The woman took a deep shaky breath before standing herself. As difficult as it was, she finally found herself meeting his gaze again. Her hands pulling at and playing with the bloody ribbon in her hands.

[He watched her, quietly, after he stood.  He didn’t dare just leave, head to the little restaurant, curl up under his blanket like he wanted to.  He couldn’t bring himself to leave her like this.  At first he had thought it was just pity that caused her to show him kindness at the end.  But as he watched her, as he heard her say his name, he realized that it was more than that.  Because he had temporarily pushed all thoughts and pain away, he was able to see clearly, logically.  She felt horrible.  Whether she meant what she had said to him or not, she didn’t mean to say it.  She had a cruel streak in her, he knew.  If she got mad, or if she was disappointed, there was no way the offender wouldn’t suffer.  But she was never that direct.  Never that blunt.  She wouldn’t use information like that against someone.] “Ah…” [he let out silently as the comprehension took over.  It didn’t make it any less painful.  It didn’t make it any less real. In fact, it made it more real.  That meant it wasn’t an illusion.  It had a chance of being true, since she spoke it with her own mouth.

But he understood.  Something had tricked her, or made her act like that.  Just as that hallucination had tricked him into hurting Sharon.]

[As if he hadn’t had enough pain for one day, it hurt to watch her.  As she covered her face, stammered to speak.  She was trying so hard…  He shook his head a bit, smiling at the woman, gently, softly, understandingly. It only took him a moment to close the distance between them.  To wrap his arms around her, pulling her, gently, against him.] “It’s okay, Lady Shelly.  I know…~”  [His voice, touch and smile were gentle.  They were reassuring, comforting… Very rarely did he gain the courage to be the one to initiate physical contact between the them.  But she needed it.  And he didn’t hesitate.]